I’m an internet junkie.  I can get online and waste hours without even trying.  If I get on a good run with YouTube, you might as well send a search party; I’m gonna be there for awhile.  I can’t count the hours of sleep that I have given up because I read an interesting article and then got stuck in a loop of clicking on one of the intriguing attention-grabbers on the bottom of the page.  Surely I’m not the only person that has gotten led astray by an article that looked too good to resist.  It’s 2:30 a.m., but I MUST know the 34 uses for a toilet paper roll or the REAL reason that one of my favorite actors is unhireable by Hollywood.

Come on, you’ve been there!  Those things are DESIGNED to get our attention and they wouldn’t be returning to the model if it weren’t effective!  They know we get in moods where we can’t help but click those terribly disappointing, but awfully tempting advertisements.  Today, I’ve had one such article type revolving endlessly in my mind as I have pondered the things that all fat people hate that skinny friends and loved ones do.  While I could compose an entirely new article of the things I hate them to do while I’m trying to lose weight, these are going to be things that I experienced while fat and mostly uninterested in change.

1. People insisting that I am not fat.
   • Ever been in a situation in which a fat person says something like, “My God, I’m fat!”  Was your first reaction to comfort them?  Did you offer a supportive statement like, “Stop that!  You’re not fat.  You’re beautiful!”  Seriously, folks, if you tell a man that weighs 450 pounds that he isn’t fat, you are a part of the problem.  I may be the best lookin’ fat guy I’ve ever seen, but living in denial of the gravity of my situation was a VERY REAL part of my problem.  When I did have moments of clarity, often after seeing a full-body picture of myself, the last thing I needed was for someone to comfort me and contradict the truth to which I had just been exposed.  Being so freaking fat means I often avoided full body mirrors and I was completely content with my natural upper body hotness being displayed in the mirror and allowing the rest of my body to be filled in by my creative, and much more pleasant, imagination.  Can we all admit that, if the camera does add 10 pounds, it’s literally unnoticeable on a person of my size?  I was appalled because I was being forced to see the real me rather than the mental image I create every time I look in the mirror.
2. Listening to a person of relatively typical height/weight complain about their weight or make statements that they are becoming fat.
   • Being 450 pounds, it’s not very often that I am in a room with many, if any, people my size or larger.  Yet, I can recall countless times that I would be in a room with people that I would LOVE to look like and hear them make statements about how they are getting fat or need to lose weight.  Can I share some perspective with you?  When I’m standing next to you and you are in a weight class that I haven’t experienced since 2nd grade, you make me feel absolutely worthless.  Not only are you calling a size much smaller than mine “fat,” but you are literally comparing your five extra pounds (or bloating) with my extra 250!  The old saying that nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission is garbage.  Nobody ever asks me before they make a few extra pounds seem like the worst possible consequence they could experience while I’m carrying so many right next to them.
3. People assume that, because I’m fat, I know nothing about healthy living and feel entitled to inform me when I’m making good choices.
   • Thanks Coach!  I’m not sure why you feel like I am completely unaware of any type of nutritional information, but I KNOW it’s a good choice.  That’s why I made it!  Your approval doesn’t do anything more than make me think you see me as a third grader that needs you to teach me important lessons for survival.  Unless I have given you that role in my life, I’m really not looking for your approval.  I got this and I know it.
4. People assuming that I love desserts because I am fat.
   • I love when I’m offered pie, cake, or your Grandma’s fresh cookies.  By love, I mean absolutely loathe.  Sweets are NOT my major temptation.  You offer me cake and ice cream, I’m going to decline 90% of the time.  When I do, though, someone ALWAYS has to do a double-take and ask, “Really?” Yes, really.  Despite your obvious shock and disbelief, I enjoy sweets occasionally, but my belly was not created by my inability to keep them in their proper place.  My unhealthy habits had very LITTLE to do with sugar until you get to the realm of soda and sweet tea.
5. Someone telling stories about how they used to be “huge.”
   • If you’ve read the rest of this post, you probably have a good idea where this is going.  Hearing someone talk about how they used to be a “fatty” or they “used to be huge” has the power to make me feel worse than many of the interactions that I attempt to avoid in public.  Why?  Because you are putting down the old version of yourself that was much smaller than me.  If you have that opinion of your old self because you were so large, my natural line of thinking then begs the question:  “How do you really feel about me if you hated yourself so much for being overweight?”  Nothing makes me feel more unloveable than someone demonstrating with one sentence that they completely disliked an individual (themselves) for carrying significantly less weight than I’m currently packing.
6. BONUS (from my wife):  People asking if I’m pregnant.
   • While taking our morning walk, my wife excitedly exclaimed that I should add this to my post before I published it today.  My first thought was she should share this part with you as I’m sure my female readers would totally connect with what she has to say.  However, she declined.  So, I’ll put this out there the best I can from what she shared with me.
   • Having someone… anyone… ask if you are pregnant is ALWAYS a horrific experience.  Whether asked by friends or strangers, being asked this question always carries the implication that the asker is looking for an “acceptable” reason that the other person is so fat or is eating more than deemed appropriate. Not only does this potentially touch on issues if the person is or has been trying to get pregnant, but it makes the person feel as though they are worthless for carrying so much weight if not justified by the process of creating another human being.

Listen.  Opinions are opinions and you may not like mine.  I’ll just go ahead and say that any negative comments won’t be approved.  I’m not here to start an argument, but this is my page and I’m allowed to express myself freely and that’s what I’m doing.  I love my family and friends.  They have all made statements like this and that’s okay.  I STILL LOVE THEM.  You see, I’m a human and I make mistakes every day, too.  Maybe this will just let you wear my shoes for a moment and consider how you might feel in my position.

For now, though, it’s back to taking my life back…

• September 11, 2016: 450+pounds
• Today:  413.6 pounds
• Total loss:  36.4 pounds (13.6% of my total excess body weight)

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