Hello friends! If you have been keeping up with my blog posts, you may be a little confused why my weight loss blog has taken a dramatic turn in a different direction. I have had some major insights into myself lately. When I was focused on my ability to control my decisions and use those decisions to change my life, I was finding extreme success with my weight loss goals. Unfortunately, as I began to focus on the number of pounds lost and winning the weight loss competition, I began to stumble on my journey and some of my negative thinking cycles began sneaking back into my life.
That’s when I asked myself whether I created this site to brag about my success or tell you how I’m doing it. With this new strength, gained through insight, I decided that my blog needs to ditch the weekly weigh in and take its focus in a different direction. I could give you recipes and weekly menus, but those things are literally splashed on every corner of the internet. What isn’t as focused on? HEALING THE MINDSET THAT ALLOWS FOR THE WEIGHT LOSS PROBLEM TO EXIST! How many times have I said that the hardest part of my journey has been the mental one? So, why am I not focusing on what’s changing THE MOST?!
Changing My Mindset
My last post focused on the damage of being a people pleaser, but I want this post to take it a step further. We say we are a people pleaser because it sounds like we are a selfless, giving person, but it really means that we are liars that are constantly failing to please everyone and our relationships and mental health are suffering for it. Today, I want to introduce you to a new, revolutionary figure in my life: Brooke Castillo.
Remember when I mentioned my life coach buddy a few weeks ago? He introduced me to Brooke. He asked me to listen to her podcast episode on self-confidence. I was immediately hooked. Brooke spoke on a concept that I have known, but never fully understood quite so clearly. Seriously, I have been needing to hear this all my life: “Allow people to be wrong about you.”
Brooke shared that we often times allow the perceptions of others to define us and we are constantly doing everything we can to make people see us in the best possible light. In my case, this became the unhealthy habit of people pleasing. By always trying to please others, I was neglecting and abusing myself. I would put other people’s thoughts, opinions, feelings, and desires above my own. In doing so, I was constantly reinforcing the highly damaging thought that others are better than me and my identity ONLY comes from their thoughts and opinions about me.
I have done soooo many things all in an effort to ensure people like me. At best, I would allow others to make my choices for me. At the worst, I let a former “best friend” constantly berate me while always making him one of my top priorities. In working so hard to make others like me, I created an environment that reinforced my negative thinking patterns and made me into a person that I really didn’t like myself very much.
So, what does this have to do with allowing people to be wrong about you? Well, in ending my people pleasing ways, I have had to accept the truth that I can’t make anyone like me, but I’ve also accepted the truth that who I am is not defined by what others think of me. As I discussed in my last post, I’m learning to live honestly. Now, when I am tempted to give an excuse or tell a lie in an effort to control how another person views me, I give my honest answer without excuse, explanation, or lie. If their resulting opinion of me changes to the negative, I have to allow them to be wrong about me.
Last week, I gave a hypothetical situation: You get asked by your best friend if you want to help her daughter’s girl scout troop sell cookies outside of Wal-Mart on the first pretty Saturday your area has had in weeks. You had planned to spend the day with your hammock and a good book because your kids are spending the day at a birthday party and you finally have some much-needed time alone.
You want time to recharge your batteries, but you don’t want your friend to be mad at you. You may tempted to help despite not really wanting to. You could choose to lie and give an excuse that will relieve you from the situation, but also any potential judgement by your friend. However, the best option is to simply give an honest answer without worrying so much about how your friend perceives you. If you tell your friend that you are unavailable to help as you are spending the day focusing on recharging your batteries and she thinks you are selfish, her thoughts about you don’t change who you actually are at all.
When you are always honest, people learn that you value them enough to always tell them the truth. I’m not saying everyone will like it, but you will always have people that don’t like what you are doing. I had people that didn’t like when I started losing weight and some even tried to talk me out of it, others that constantly told me that I was going to fail, and others tried to sabotage my weight loss. I had to allow them to be wrong about me. Some got on board with me and others didn’t.
Allowing others to be wrong about you is a very difficult thing. It’s hard to be confident in who you are when you’ve allowed those around you to define you all your life. However, by fully embracing that you are who you choose to be, you are empowered to break the bondage of always needing the affirmation of others to know who you are and you recognize your power to be the person you choose regardless of what others think.
For now, though, it’s back to taking my life back. Find me on social media:
- Facebook @250pounds2forever